QUOD ERAT DEMONSTRANDUM EST: On How Their Failed Attempts of Annihilation Co-Constitute our Emergence

Maybe two or three times I happened to see someone negating their relation towards their most beloved one. Striving within an outburst of rage for annihilation they created rather a vacuum within themselves than actually solving an emerging, deeply rooted problem. Intuitively I understand that similar or even the identical problems within their lives emerged again and, consequently, everyone concurring with their superficial reconciliation due to negative consequences of their ever repeating outbursts of rage would primarily enhance their occasional negative behavioral pattern. While safeguarding my own life, my relationship alongside their negative behavioral pattern would suffer losses with their outbursts. Furthermore, I feared to somewhat conform to their deeper rooted attitude behind their outbursts if not specifically and systematically taking action on deeper grounds than their yet steady social environment and they themselves were taking.

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However, the substantial difference consisted not in taking actions and seeking for creative changes of the yet predominant situation. Wouldn’t they just do the very same, they declared in a mission during the surges of their determined reconciliation. Wouldn’t they jus as others in their yet steadfast social environment concurred? And little scrupulously they pushed my concern away. With which rights do you consider your efforts and your efforts better then theirs, they challenged soon after excusing themselves from damage created through their last outbursts. Then they begun to challenge those who left their social environment within their steadfast social environment, at which they appeared, ironically triumphant. In their withering social worlds they became a heroic last guard, dinosaurs, in my eyes they were solely withering. Admittedly, I was yet worse without them. Admittedly, my critical stance required an intense search for words to express my more integrative perspective. My narrative costed me more time than their triumphant victory. On this courses they accepted me amongst themselves with some mockery.

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My peers and myself, some of them already expelled, externalized, and excluded, we recognized this mockery as a part of their negation of themselves. More precisely, we ourselves were negating their mockery as an act of acrimony. Have we been acrimonious ourselves? Rather we found ourselves ashamed. However, we recognized soon our feeling of shame with greater distance, as feeling of oversight and a sign of anxiety about the next outburst of rage. The soon emergency of a problem resulting in rage and damage around our lives. Seeing our anxiety within a mirror within our eyes or on the lines of our diaries, it gradually reflected to be a somewhat rightfully outgrown fear. A fear determining our attitude. An attitude than stood out incomparable to fears of the close and beloved ones, who repeatedly bursted out in their damaging rage. Not that they were fearless, but they certainly didn’t share our fears. Some contrasting fears even justified the damages of their outbursts. One of them even started a series of talk about this outbursts as a part of his a work he entitled as Dirty Deeds Done Well. Growing on our individually distinct fears we gradually reconstructed our worlds apart from each other. Assumingely more then through our actions through our fears our attitudes gradually matured individually distinctively. While we became gradually distinct beings, I felt saddened by the sheer impossibility of reconciliation of these beloved ones. Why wouldn’t they seek for reconciliation as I sought for, I overtly questioned myself until an even deeper realization of our individual distinction. Specifically, I found this questioning to undergo within my use of language as their outbursts of rage underwent their use of power over others. Yet I am moving with much less momentum they are, but I see on how deep my outbursts result in impressive revisions and refinement in the use of my language. That there is something like the momentum within my words, which absorbed and retained the momentum of their language, their annihilating negation of others like myself and yet emerged with our positively reconstructed oversight, I concluded. With other words, I inferred to be more than just different. That in our sense we are even superior compared with their outbursts in rage resulting in negative destruction and failing annihilation. At this minute, they might feel triumphant over us, but they actually aren’t. Q.e.d.e.